


Incorrect Hilda Quotes

by SunsetCorvid



Category: Hilda (Cartoon)
Genre: Bunch of quotes, Hilda has a lot of dads, I don’t really know, Other, also a some swear words but it's for comedic purposes, anygays hope you enjoy this akjshkjdsf, gee Hilda how come Luke Pearson lets you have four dads, let Johanna rest, little bit of Frilda sprinkled here and there, might be OOC?, she’s too stressed, sketchbook exists in this because I was introduced to and now it lives in my head rent free
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28345407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetCorvid/pseuds/SunsetCorvid
Summary: I think I have a thing for making incorrect quotes fics on here for whatever fandom I get into.Anyways, just a bunch of incorrect quotes. Hope you enjoy them.
Relationships: David & Frida & Hilda (Hilda), David & Hilda (Hilda), Frida & Hilda (Hilda), Hilda & The Librarian (Hilda), Johanna | Hilda's Mum & The Librarian (Hilda), Johanna | Hilda's Mum/The Librarian (Hilda)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 143





	1. Chapter 1

**David:** Hi, my name’s David with a ‘b’ and I’ve been afraid of insects my entire life.

 **Hilda:** Woah, Woah. Stop. Where?

 **David:** Huh?

 **Hilda:** Where’s the ‘b’?

 **David:** TheRE’S A BEE?!!

* * *

 **Frida:** Bigfoot but shaven.

 **Hilda:** Mr. Clean.

 **Alfur:** You two are the reason I have anxiety.

* * *

 **Johanna:** You know, there’s nothing more beautiful than a child’s wonder.

 **Hilda, hoarsely:** I swallowed a bug.

 **Johanna:** And, I take that all back.

* * *

 **Hilda:** I want to see my little boy~

 **Johanna, holding Twig:** Here he comes~

 **Hilda, now holding Twig:** I want to see my little boy~

* * *

 **Hilda, peeling a banana:** May I take your jacket, sir? Haha.

 **Alfur, who was also in the room:** Do you think no one else can hear you?

* * *

 **Hilda:** The existence of watermelons could only mean that there is an earthmelon, firemelon, and an airmelon. These are the Elemelons.

* * *

 **Hilda:** Minty is just cold spicy.

 **Tontu:** Or spicy is just hot minty.

 **Johanna:**...

* * *

 **Frida:** What time is it?

 **Hilda, looking at the microwave:** 52? Dang, it’s late.

* * *

 **Alfur:** People assume I’m only half gay since I’m bisexual, but that’s wrong. I’m one complete straight guy and one complete gay man fused together into one singularity. I’m 200% sexuality.

 ** Hilda: ** An overwhelming amount of power, really.

* * *

_** [At the zoo.] ** _

**Hilda:** What are they in for?

**Frida:** Hilda, this isn’t a prison.

**Hilda:** So, they can leave?

**Frida:** Well, no, but-

**Hilda, pointing at a penguin:** I bet that one murdered someone.

* * *

**Hilda:** We have to be careful. One of us is possessed by an owl.

**David:** Who?

**Hilda:** See, that’s the thing. We don’t...!

* * *

**Hilda:** Hey.

**Tontu:** What do you want?

**Hilda:** Are you still mad at me?

**Tontu:** Are you still a sandwich thief?

* * *

 **Alfur:** Look, I’m just trying to look out for you.

 **Hilda:** I never asked for that, you’re not my dad!

 **Alfur:**...

 **Alfur:** _*sniffs*  
_

 **Hilda:** Wait- Dad, no- I didn’t mean it-

* * *

 **Johanna, smiling:** So, when are you going to go out with me?

 **Kaisa, smirking:** I don’t know, when are you going to ask me out?

 **Johanna:** Uhhh...

_**[Later]** _

**Hilda:** So, you just ran away?!

 **Johanna:** I WASN’T EXPECTING HER TO FLIRT BACK!!

* * *

 **Kaisa:** I’m a lesbiab.

 **Kaisa:** Lesibam.

 **Kaisa:** Less bien.

 **Johanna:** It’s okay, take your time.

 **Kaisa:** Girls.

* * *

 **Hilda:** Look, sometimes you just have to fulfill the higher tiers of your pyramid of needs, okay?

 **Johanna:** And, that’s why you’re wearing sunglasses in the bathtub while being fully clothed and eating chicken nuggets out of a wine glass?

 **Hilda:** See, now you’re getting it. Could you hand me that box of CapriSuns?

* * *

 **Hilda:** Hey, I’m Hilda. And this is my family.

 **Hilda, pointing at Alfur:** Bisexual elf dad.

 **Hilda, pointing at Raven:** Definitely not straight bird dad.

 **Hilda, pointing at Bartell:** Combat obsessed elf dad.

 **Hilda, pointing at Woodman:** Chaotic neutral wood dad.

 **Hilda, pointing at Tontu:** Secretive brother.

 **Hilda, pointing at Twig:** Everyone’s favorite deerfox.

 **Hilda, pointing at Johanna:** Mum. (We love and appreciate her.)

 **Hilda, pointing at Kaisa:** Magical nerd mum.

 **Hilda, pointing at David and Frida:** And, these two kids that everyone adopted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Random Person:** How many kids do you have, Johanna?

**Johanna:** Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there IS a difference.

* * *

**Hilda:** I have many hidden talents.

**David:** Like what?

**Hilda:** I wouldn’t know, they’re hidden.

* * *

**Kaisa:** Hilda, what do you have say?

**Johanna:** What do you have to say for yourself, Hilda?

**Hilda:** ...

**Hilda:** This video was sponsored by-

* * *

**David:** How do you cope with your own mortality?

**Alfur:** Violent outbursts.

**Frida:** I don’t.

**Hilda:** Due to past experiences, I’m pretty sure I’m actually immortal.

* * *

**Kaisa:** I’m very glad that women.

* * *

**Alfur:** You know what really gets my goat?

**Hilda:** El Chupacabra.

* * *

**Johanna:** Imagine getting paid for being cute.

**Kaisa:** You’d be rich.

**Johanna, flustered:** I- I- um-

* * *

**Johanna:** What a good day.

**Hilda:** Do you think flies call us ‘walks’?

**Johanna:** Yep, there it is.

* * *

**Hilda:** Remember that time you dared me to lick the bench?

**Frida:** No, I said, “Hilda, don’t lick the bench,” and you said, “You can’t tell me what to do!” And then you licked the bench.

* * *

**Hilda:** If you ever disrespect me again, I will eat your shower curtains.

**Frida:** What if I have glass doors?

**Hilda:** Well, crunchity munchity then. You think that’ll stop me?

* * *

**Hilda:** Hey, I have a kind of crazy plan.

**David:** Those are never comforting words coming from you.

* * *

**Hilda:** I can’t believe Mum accidentally locked us out.

**Woodman:** It’s fine, I got this. Hilda, give me your wallet.

_** [Hilda hands Woodman her wallet.] ** _

**Woodman, putting the wallet in a bag he had the whole time, then taking out a hair pin:** Alright, one second.

**Hilda:** ... Wait-

* * *

**Hilda:** I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said my bleeding was internal, that’s where the blood’s supposed to be.

* * *

**Frida:** A good romance begins with a good friendship.

**Hilda:** A bad romance begins with ra-ra-ra-a-a-ro-ma-ro-ma-ma.


	3. In Which Hilda Is In Almost All The Quotes For This Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank you guys for the comments I got on the last two chapters, I'm really happy that you guys seem to enjoy this.
> 
> Anyways, onto the quotes!

**Johanna:** What you got there?

**Hilda, after walking into house with some creature she found on the street in one arm:** A smoothie.

* * *

**David:** Why are you smiling like that? Did something happen?

**Hilda:** Can't I just smile because I want to?

**Frida:** Erik Ahlberg tripped and fell down some stairs.

* * *

**Hilda:** If you work on a farm and your job is to tend chickens, you are a...

**Hilda:** _Chicken tender..._

**Johanna:** ...

* * *

**Hilda:** There’s a fine line between things that are okay to include in children’s media and things that are too dark or scary.

**Hilda:** I call it… the Cora Line.

* * *

**Hilda, holding up “The Book of Dragons” and “This Book is Gay”:** I got some more books.

 **Raven:** You broke your personality down to its bare essentials.

* * *

**David:** What are we going to do?!

**Hilda:** Wait! I'm having one of those headaches with pictures.

**Frida:**... An idea?

* * *

**Hilda:** Shucks.

**Raven:** Hey, I'm upset about it, too. But let's watch the fucking language.

* * *

**Hilda:** I’m organizing a surprise party for Erik Ahlberg.

 **Frida:** Don’t you hate Erik Ahlberg?

 **Hilda, filling balloons with bees:** Yep.

* * *

**Hilda:** So today as a prank I made a sheet music printout of Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball” and replaced the name with “Christmas Time Meditation” and deleted the words and I’m gonna put it in with the church music and see if the pianist notices.

 **Hilda:** He noticed and now I can add “yelled at by two priests at once” to my list of accomplishments.

* * *

**Hilda:** Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

 **Johanna:** Hilda, no.

 **Tontu, popping out from the couch:** Mistlefoe.

 **Johanna:** Tontu, please stop encouraging her.

* * *

**Hilda, in a tough guy voice: Y** ou best be lovin' yourself 

**Frida, also in a tough guy voice:** Yeah? whatcha gonna do about it, huh? 

**Hilda:** Them's huggin' words!

* * *

**Raven:** So, are you gonna do it?

 **Hilda:** I dunno, what's in it for me? 

**Raven:** * _slides Hilda a bag of something*_

 **Hilda:** This is just a bag of Chuck E. Cheese tokens. 

**Raven:**...

 **Hilda:**...

 **Hilda:** I'm in.

* * *

**Hilda:** Rickity roll, I now _yeet_ your soul.

* * *

**Hilda:** Could you pass the pepper?

**Johanna:** What's the magic word?

**Hilda:**...

_**[Hilda begins chanting in Latin.]**_

**Johanna:** Oh my god, just take it.

* * *

**Johanna:** Did you forget to do the dishes? 

**Hilda, drinking from a flower vase:** What gave you that idea?

* * *

**Hilda:** Frida's gone, so I'm going to summon a demon.

**David:** Why?

**Hilda:** She's pretty much 90% of my impulse control.

* * *

**Kaisa:** I've only known Hilda for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself.

* * *

**Hilda:** At times like this I wish I had listened to Mum more.

 **David:** Why? What did she say?

 **Hilda:** I don’t know. I didn't listen.

* * *

**Hilda, T-posing in front of Kaisa:** Good morning, parental figure.

 **Kiasa, not looking away from her book:** Good morning, problem child.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hilda:** So you’re non biney?

**Kaisa:** yeah

**Hilda:** Like

**Hilda:** You don’t have any binery?

**Kaisa:** sure

**Hilda:** Thats so poggers

* * *

**Frida:** On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha va ca do” how are you feeling?

**Hilda:** I’m between “It’s an avocado, thanks,” and “How did you kill Captain America,” but as a solid answer I would say “i don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger.”

**Kaisa:** I speak 25 languages and this is none of them.

* * *

**Hilda:** What doesn't kill should've tried harder.

* * *

**Johanna:** Whatever you’re thinking about right now, stop it.

**Kaisa:** What are you talking about?

**Johanna:** You always make that face before saying something that pisses me off.

**Johanna:** So cut it ou—

**Kaisa:** I love you.

**Johanna:**.....

**Kaisa:** Also cereal basically qualifies as a soup when you think about it—

**Johanna:** I knew it!

* * *

**Johanna:** I'm not going to be mad, just tell me why you have a fake ID.

**Hilda:** _*mumbles.*_

**Johanna:** What was that?

**Hilda:** You have to be 18 to hold the puppies at Petco.

* * *

**David:** Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad?

**Frida:** Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable—

**Hilda:** Smad.

* * *

**Hilda:** I think we should adopt another kid.

**Frida:** No.

**Hilda:** Why?

**Frida:** Because by 'kid' you mean 'lizard,' and we already have 50.

**Hilda, reaching into her pocket:** Actually, 51...

* * *

**Johanna:** Truth or dare?

**Kaisa:** Truth.

**Johanna:** How many hours of sleep have you gotten this week?

**Kaisa:**...

**Kaisa:** Dare.

**Johanna:** I dare you to get some sleep.

**Kaisa:** I don't like this game.

* * *

**Frida:** What's your favorite color?

**Hilda** **:** Really? Don't ask me dumb questions.

**Frida** **:** How is formic acid prepared in a lab? Give the chemical reactions for it.

**Hilda** **:**...

**Hilda** **:** Blue. My favorite color is blue.

* * *

**Frida:** Can we please stay at your house tonight?

**David:** Why?

**Frida:** Hilda played with a Ouija board and cursed ours.

**Frida:** And she doesn't know how to banish spirits, she just throws salt at them and yells, “Does this look like a fucking hotel to you?!”

* * *

** Hilda:  ** Are you ready to commit?

** Frida: ** Like, a crime or a relationship?

* * *

**Hilda, sleep deprived** **:** Hey, Dad?

**Alfur** **:** Yeah?

**David** **:** Did Hilda just call Alfur “Dad”?

**Frida** **:** More importantly, did Alfur just answer to it?

* * *

**Johanna** **:** You do seven things a day that I ask you not to do.

**Hilda** **:** Actually, I do more.

**Hilda** **:** You just catch seven.

* * *

**Hilda:** I hate when people say “So tell me about yourself”

**Hilda:** What do you want to know? My trauma or my favourite color?

**Hilda:** Be specific.

* * *

**Kaisa:** I’m sending good vibes your way. They’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

**Johanna:** That’s the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

* * *

**Johanna:** So, what are the roles in this little group of yours?

**Alfur:** I do the research.

**Hilda and Davd:** I do most of the exploration.

**Frida:** I make good decisions.

**Johanna:** That's not really-

**Hilda:** Trust me, she's our most important member.


	5. Chapter 5

_**[Doorbell rings.]** _

**Johanna:** You wanna get that?

 **Kaisa:** And interact with people? No thanks.

* * *

**Kaisa, trying to reach the top shelf:** Johanna, I need a boost.

 **Johanna:** All right.

 **Johanna, clapping:** Go for it! You can do it! You're the best! Woo!

* * *

**Hilda:** On Halloween, we dress like skeletons, but in reality, the skeletons dress like us.

 **Johanna:** I worry about you.

* * *

**Hilda:** I thought a truck was about to crash into us and I instinctively said “WHOA THERE BUCKAROO.” I could’ve died and those would’ve been my last words.

* * *

**Woodman:** Don't worry, I have a permit.

 **Hilda:** This just says "I can do whatever I want."

* * *

**Frida:** Thinking about how milk jugs are so perfectly designed; not a bit of wasted space. The handle is part of the container as well and you can clearly see how much of the liquid is left. Genius. I'm thinking of eating the mushroom growing in my front yard, whole. If even one person is nice to me today I will kiss them on the lips.

* * *

**Hilda:** Frida just texted me "lmao" from across the room.

 **Hilda:** I hear no laughter.

 **Hilda:** I'm in a relationship with a laugh liar.

* * *

**Johanna:** I don’t struggle with anxiety, it actually comes very easily to me.

* * *

**Johanna:** Ah, cheese and crackers! Wait, Hilda isn't home, I can swear for real.

 **Johanna, taking a breath:** SON OF A-

* * *

**Johanna:** Writing a cover letter is just like, "Here is my worksona, she has no mental illnesses and hates breaks! I would like to larp her for 40 hours a week with full pay and benefits."

* * *

**Hilda:** I would let a racoon do surgery on me.

 **Hilda:** Have you seen their little hands? Those guys would give me a great heart transplant for the low, low cost of a cold pizza slice.

 **Frida:** You do realize where racoons' little hands have been, right?

 **David:** Is that.. the _only_ reason you wouldn't let a racoon give you a heart transplant? 

**Hilda:** Come on! They are so well known for washing their hands that they're called “washing bears” in German! You don’t have to worry about where their hands have been!

** Johanna:  ** Well, you heard it folks, getting a heart transplant from a raccoon is perfectly safe.

* * *

**Hilda:** How did you two get into a car accident?

 **Kaisa:** Well, we were driving and there was a deer on the road. So I said “deer” to alert Johanna, and what did you say?

 **Johanna:**... "Yes, honey?"

* * *

**Johanna:** Wow, what a surprisingly peaceful, domestic, moment. When will it be interrupted?

 **Hilda, dashing into the apartment:** MUM!!

 **Johanna:** There it is.

* * *

**Hilda:** What if Cinderella was a chef instead of a maid, and instead of "Cinderella" they called her "Mozzarella?"

 **Woodman:** Please don’t ever speak to me again.

* * *

**Johanna:** We just ate, why are you making pancakes?

 **Hilda:** They're for Twig.

 **Johanna:** Why are you making pancakes for Twig?

 **Hilda:** He doesn't know how.

* * *

**Johanna:** This surprises me.

 **Kaisa:** Why?

 **Johanna:**...

 **Johanna:** Good question.

* * *

**Johanna:** Will you just look at this slightly bigger mess than usual.

* * *

**Hilda:** But do you have to be straight to like Oreos?

 **Kaisa:** I ate an entire pack of Oreos today and thought about making out with Johanna for an hour and a half.

 **Kaisa:** You tell me.

* * *

**Johanna:** I challenge you to a dual!

 **Kaisa:** Very well. The weapon?

 **Johanna:** Compliments.

 **Kaisa:** An excellent choice.

 **Johanna:** Thank you, I- oh! I see you’ve dueled before!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to advertise my Hilda blog on Tumblr real quick-  
> url is @ arctic-deerfox   
> Follow if you want, I post some quotes and art there.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully, there are more quotes to come.


End file.
